Issue #20 - 22 Unwritten Rules HR Leaders Learn The Hard Way
Don't be surprised if your boss doesn't share these with you.
Welcome to today’s issue of Success in HR!
Now let’s get to it.
You’ve got the HR certifications.
You’ve performed well on your reviews.
You’ve built expertise in your HR specialty.
You know HR policies and best practices cold.
But let’s be honest. None of that prepares you for the real game of leading HR.
What follows are 22 brutally honest, field-tested lessons I’ve learned the hard way from 25+ years as an HR leader at PepsiCo and Quaker Oats.
They’re not always comfortable, and you’ll rarely learn them at a SHRM conference.
If you’re fortunate, your boss will take you aside and share these with you. But don’t be surprised if they don’t.
I’m sharing them with you today because they just might save you years of frustration—and elevate your impact.
But you be the judge. Here they are:
1. Be valuable—or be ignored.
In our field, you don’t get a seat at the table just by asking. You earn it by being indispensable. How? By creating value that leaders can’t live without—driving talent strategies that improve revenue, retention, or reduce costs. If you can’t clearly demonstrate your impact and prove your value, you’ll forever get stuck doing HR grunt work that no one appreciates and working in oblivion.
2. HR built on speed dies just as fast.
Everyone wants quick wins. Quick wins are very tempting—but they’re rarely sustainable. Want to help drive real culture change? Want to help your organization develop great leaders? Want to help build high-performance teams? Be patient. It takes years. Not quarters. No matter what your boss tells you.
3. Be the HR person who figures it out.
Don’t hide behind “that’s not my department” or “that’s the business leader’s job, not mine.” Yes, sometimes you do the work your business leaders should be doing. However, while that’s happening, master the numbers. Know the P&L as well as they do. Build your technical skills. HR generalists who think like operators win.M
Bonus: Make AI your partner, not your adversary. If someone asks you how you’re using AI in HR, be prepared to give them 20-30 examples of how it is making you a better, more efficient HR leader. Figure it out.
4. There are no ‘style points’ for best practices.
"Best practices" can be lazy shortcuts. Innovation comes from asking: “What’s right for this culture?” You’re not hired to photocopy Google’s HR playbook. Anybody can do that.
5. People work with people they like—even in HR.
Good HR policies don’t build trust. People do. Want to be influential? Be likable, empathetic, and accessible. HR with a heart is more powerful than HR with a nice handbook.
6. Your best HR results don’t come from strategies.
They come from private hallway conversations. They come from behind-the-scenes meetings to de-escalate a conflict. They come from sessions you facilitate to help build and bond teams. Keep in mind the work you do is quiet before it’s celebrated.
7. Nobody cares how hard you work—only what you produce.
You can attend every meeting, reply to every email, and still not be valued. Ruthlessly prioritize. Everything is not essential. Deliver impact and results, not activity.
8. If you want to drive real change, brace for chaos.
Don’t expect to drive engagement, retention, or leadership change without resistance. HR change agents always, always get pushback. If you’re not ruffling someone’s feathers, you’re not leading.
9. Feedback is a gift—until it hurts your ego.
Many of us in HR love giving feedback, but hate receiving it. Want to grow fast? Ask for brutal honesty — from your team, peers, and business leaders. And then say “thank you” afterwards, sincerely — no matter what you hear.
10. Go where you feel unqualified.
HR leaders who surround themselves only with other HR professionals stagnate. Sit in on Finance meetings. Spend time on the front line. Shadow Sales. Sit with Customer Service as they handle customer complaints. Learn how your organization makes money.
11. Do > Talk.
Many HR folks get caught in overanalyzing. Perfectionism kills execution. Take action, test, iterate. Culture improves when we move.
12. No one promotes potential after your first few years.
You don’t get bonus points for being “high-potential.” You get promoted for solving problems, building trust, and delivering results.
13. Everything you do—and don’t do—matters.
HR is always being watched. As an HR leader, you’re watched even more closely. One bad termination. One broken promise. It all counts. Protect your credibility like gold. Because it is.
14. Learn to sell—even if it feels dirty.
You’re not in HR—you’re in the business of persuasion. You sell ideas. You sell change. You sell talent solutions. Often, you’re selling what’s unpopular. Learn to pitch and influence with power.
15. Build a reputation as someone who shows up.
You don’t have to be the most brilliant HR person on the planet. Just be consistent. Be early. Be calm under pressure. You may not have all the answers. But leaders trust people who are always there when it counts.
16. Hard work beats HR theory every time.
All the HR theories, fancy models, and frameworks in the world won’t save you in a crisis. Execution, effort, and resilience will. HR gets messy—when the crap hits the fan, show up ready to dig in and help others dig out.
17. Don’t follow your passion—follow your energy.
Love compensation? Lean in. Obsessed with talent development? Dive deeper. Energy reveals your edge. Use it.
18. Play your game, not someone else’s.
You’re not competing with the HR leaders at Netflix. You’re playing your game at your company with your constraints. Own it. Shape it. Win it.
19. Speak up—or get left out.
Too many HR pros sit back waiting to be asked. Don’t. If you see a better way, say something. Closed mouths don’t elevate your impact.
20. Do the basics better than anyone else.
Follow-up. Follow through. Say thank you. Be clear. Be fair. People remember how you made them feel—and basic decency in HR is often revolutionary.
21. Side hustles won’t save your soul if your day job is broken.
Before chasing HR consulting dreams or coaching gigs, fix your own house. Be excellent where you are. Right now. Success travels.
22. The company isn’t your family and doesn’t love you.
Even if you love your organization, loyalty has limits—especially when budgets shrink. Build your network both in and outside your organization. Document your wins. Keep your resume up to date. Always be ready.
Final Thoughts:
Our field is not for the faint of heart.
But if you’re willing to stay sharp, stay real, and continue growing—you’ll build more than a career. You’ll build a legacy.
Why not start doing it today?
Onward!
📌 P.S. #1 - Want even more unwritten HR rules?
Then check out this classic: UNWRITTEN HR RULES: 21 Secrets for Attaining Awesome Career Success in Human Resources. If you want to take your HR career to the next level or you’re aspiring to become a senior leader in human resources or people operations, then you must know both the written (and unwritten) rules for success.
📌 P.S. #2 - Want to deepen your network of relationships? Then pass this on.
Feel free to share this email with your HR colleagues or others who may benefit from this guidance. I'm sure they'll appreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity.